Tuesday, 18 July 2017

THE SILENCE



Hi! Here I (still) am. Sitting by my flower-and herb pots on the backdoor stairs. And it's sunny and almost warm -which is something of a thing this summer, the coldest of the decade they say- and I am wearing a selfmade dress I haven't in years.

And I wish I could sit like this more often, just sit there, listen to the wind in the trees and look out on the field and road in front of me, and feel good about just doing just and only that.
But I don't get to too often. The classic -  there's seldom time for it. And when I perhaps try to for a while I tend to look at everything that needs to be done, that are in the yard and garden waiting to be fixed or maintained.  That's a line you often hear from a lot of people, but in this case here everything really is waiting for the next step. The house is still full of the Tapiola-flat still packed in boxes, waiting for us to renovate more space. It looks like shit. And the to-do's from work never end; there is always something you still need to do. And have I worked, a lot, building the business, constantly. And it might even start to show soon. The two hours I spend on commuting every day are those two I spent at blogging per day before (I spend a lot of time and eat a lot of my meals in the car these days).

So I took a lot of stress during the past year of not having time to blog like I was used to, or like I wanted to. Many are the list of posts that remained on there, as notes on a list, and many are also the photos since 2015-something meant for the blog, still lingering on the memory card, to the point that it became a thing, like a barrier I couldn't get across, to actually produce something. But at some point this summer I just let that stress go. I've been here for a decade. That's a crazy long time and sometimes, when I take the sudden extra moment, I may browse back and look at what I used to do during the past ten years, and also at how one used to blog for the time being. Because that has changed as well, blogging itself has changed, the way it is done it seems. Few out there interest me anymore, many became too branded and "clean"- which is something I totally understand, the need and reason to brand oneself, for those making a living out of it.  Everyday life for me has been so hectic and at some points heavy possible blog subjects have changed and the current state of many affairs and situations in society has also had an effect on what I have felt, or rather not felt like blogging about. And all the boxes and halfway-there things at home do not serve as too inspiring an environment for the moment either.
But that does not mean I am done. I just stopped feeling bad about not being able to constantly produce material (and answer emails, sorry for that!).
And damn, that feels good!


7 comments:

Natalia Romashko said...

I read your blog almost since the beginning and I like that you didn't become "clean". I realised I still read only those blogs that are closer to life than to glossy magazines. Keep going! And do it when you feel like doing it.

Anonymous said...

I have to admit that I have missed you! You have a reader in me, it doesn't matter if it takes you longer to write.

Anonymous said...

So agree with the comments above, been reading your blog for close to 8 years! And love the fact that it still feels real and reflects your journey both personally and business wise, and that it is not moulded into the typical white branded format.

If work and settling into a new home (heck who can not relate to that?)
takes a lot of time- maybe blog some about that? Favourite car snack perhaps ;).

Lots of love!
// Hannah

Anonymous said...

Hei pakko kommentoida vaikka harvoin niin teenkin. Minäkin olen lukenut blogiasi jo 8 vuotta ja luen mielelläni jatkossakin, ihan sitä tahtia kuin ehdit ja jaksat kirjoittaa. Pienen lapsen äitinä sitä on todellakin alkanut ymmärtää, ettei aika riitä kaikkeen samalla lailla kuin ennen. Paineet aikaansaamiselle ovat tietysti kovimmat omassa päässä, hienoa jos olet onnistunut päästämään niistä irti! Kyllä me lukijat odotetaan :)

Ja hei vielä kysymys ihan toisesta aiheesta! Oletko ollut tyytyväinen smegin jääkaappipakastimeen? Olen haaveillut tuosta vuosikaudet, mutta hinta on aika kova. Nyt keittiöremontti on uutta jääkaappia vaille valmis, joten kuulisin mielelläni, miten smeg on pelittänyt. Kaunis se ainakin on kuin mikä!

The Freelancer's FashionBlog said...

Natalia, Anonymous & Hannah : Thank you <3

Anonyymi: Kiitos :) Smeg on toiminut hyvin kyllä! Nyt muuton jälkeen kappi seisoi "kakkoskaappina" olohuoneessamme ja saimme vihdoin vaihdettua smegin vanhan punaisen kaapimme tilalle keittiöön. Ainoa mitä tuolloin huomasin oli että ovessa olisi ehkä voinut olla yksi hylly lisää; pikkuhullyjä on paljon mutta isoja hyllyjä vain kaksi. Ei tätä mieti muuten, huomasin sen vasta näin kun vaihtoi suoraan kaapista toiseen kamat. Kaappi on hiljainen; siirron jälkeen se surisi aika kovaa muutaman päivän mutta nyt on taas oikein hiljainen ja tyylikäs uudessa paikassaan :) Kaapilla on yli 6v ikää jo, mutta pelittää siis edelleen, joten voin suositella! Se punainen Bompani mikä meillä oli ennen (ja on edelleen, siirrettiin nyt kuistille) oli sekin ihan hyvä vaihtoehto, jos tuntuu että smegin hinta kirpaisee liikaa. Sekin toimii vielä hyvin - taitaa olla vuodelta 2009 tai -10 sekin, mutta laadussa huomaa kyllä sen eron ettää kaapin alalsista irtosi siitä ja pysyi hieman huonosti paikallaan sen jälkeen. Tsemppiä keittiöremppaan!

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